


C'est Frustrant

by Winters_mistress



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-11-16 08:13:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18090695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winters_mistress/pseuds/Winters_mistress
Summary: While reading a little about John Laurens, I discovered he helped teach Lafayette English.  And thus, a tiny fic was born and then spiraled out of control.





	1. Chapter 1

"AAAAGGHH! I cannot do this anymore, John Laurens." Lafayette threw the parchment and quill on the desk. "This english makes absolutely no sense to me."

Laurens took a deep breath. He knew Lafayette was upset if he called him by his full name "I know it can be a little challenging, especially at first, but I promise you'll get it eventually."

"How can a language have a set of rules but then just not follow them whenever it feels like it? And you tell me adjectives go before the subject and that is just plain stupid. Why describe something before you even know what it is? Only an idiot would talk like this." Laurens arched an eyebrow. "Not you, or course." Lafayette smiled at him.

John grimaced. "Of course." Lafayette let out a loud, dramatic sigh and Laurens couldn't help but laugh just a little. "Listen. English may be arduous and confounding but it's going to be pretty hard to fight alongside your fellow revolutionaries here if you have no idea what they are saying." Lafayette glared at him and John smiled back. "Besides... I know you'll get it. You're one of the smartest people I know."

"Hmm." Lafayette smirked. "Well, flattery will get you a few more minutes, I suppose."

"Only a few minutes?" Laurens pretended to think. "Then how about you are THE smartest person I know."

"That." Lafayette broke into a grin. "May get you an entire evening of studying this accursed language."

"Well then I'll compliment you all night."

Lafayette scoffed. "I think an entire night en anglais would drive me..how you say insense?"

"Insane. See? It's very similar. Just take the french word and make it sound boring."

"Laurens... if you know me, you know I am not very good at making things boring."

John laughed again. "Indeed I am aware..." He sat next to the other man and collected the papers Lafayette had thrown in frustration. "Ugh, these are all out of order."

"How can you possibly tell?" Lafayette was only half-kidding.

Laurens looked at him unamused. "Maybe we should just start fresh again tomorrow."

"You sure? Even though I am the smartest person you know?" Lafayette smiled wide. "Oh, I cannot wait to tell Alexander you said that."

John rolled his eyes. "Please don't. You know how sensitive he is." 

Lafayette replied and his voice was softer this time. "Alright John." He attempted to help him gather the rest of the sheets of parchment and his fingers lightly grazed over the other man's hand. He let them linger there and looked up into Laurens' bright green eyes. "Maybe it is for the best that I should go."

John didn't speak for a moment and when he did, it was only a feeble, "Yeah."

Lafayette stood up and collected his coat. "Bonne nuit, Laurens."

"Good night, Lafayette."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Laurens comes to Lafayette for solace, will his friend offer more?

Lafayette placed a piece of cloth in his book and was about to extinguish the lantern by his bed when he heard a knock on his door. "Maird." He grumbled and threw on his banyan. "Who is it?" He called out, walking toward the front door.

"It's John."

He sighed and opened the door for his friend. "Little late for an English lesson, non?" When the other man didn't respond, Lafayette arched an eyebrow. Laurens was staring at the ground so Lafayette placed a finger under his chin and tilted John's face up to look at him. Laurens' eyes were red-rimmed and his cheeks were streaked with tears. "Mon dieu, mon ami!" He placed his arm protectively around John's shoulders and ushered him inside and onto the couch. John sat down and stared at the dying fire that did nothing to warm him. Lafayette had never seen his friend so morose. "Laurens, what happened?"

After what seemed a long while he responded. "It's Alexander. He-" He swallowed hard. "He found someone else."

"What?" Lafayette thought Alex and John were so happy. They barely left each other's side. "I don't understand. You are one of the most incredible men I have ever met. Intelligent, courageous, passionate... and easy on the eyes if I may say so." He smiled warmly hoping to cheer up his friend.

"It doesn't matter what kind of a man I am." John mumbled. Lafayette looked confused. "He is in love with a woman." 

Now he was really puzzled. "He would leave you for some girl?"

"Not just some girl." He sighed and laid his head on the other man's shoulder. "Eliza. One of the Schuyler sisters."

"So? A girl who has a rich father and attractive siblings? That is nothing you don't also possess."

"Oh come on Laf. Don't be dense. He can have everything he wants with her. Money, influence, respectability-"

"What about love?"

Laurens sighed. "She is apparently absolutely besotted with him. He is enjoying every second of attention and affection. What could I offer him other than a lifetime of secret letters, clandestine meetings, and closet-dwelling skeletons constantly threatening his legacy?"

Lafayette could think of one thing he could offer that Elizabeth could not but kept that to himself. "I am sorry, John." He instinctively combed his fingers through the thick curls that framed Laurens' face. "You deserve better than that." John frowned, not believing him. "Would you like a cup of tea or anything?"

"No." John said softly. "Just keep doing that. It feels nice. Actually..."

"What is it?"

"I could use a shot of whiskey."

"Hmm... I do not have any whiskey but there is some cognac and plenty of wine."

John picked his head up and gave Lafayette a weak smile. "I'll take whatever you got."

***************  
An hour or so had passed and Laurens had moved from maudlin silence to melancholy rambling. His words became slurred, his gestures erratic and Lafayette was having trouble keeping up with John capriciously switching between English and French.

"Ok... my anguished friend. I think it is time for you to go bed." Laurens didn't protest and let Lafayette lead him to the bedroom. His friend helped him shrug off his coat and pull off his boots before he stumbled to the mattress and crawled between the sheets. Lafayette sat on the corner of the bed as Laurens tried to get comfortable. He felt the other man run his fingers over his arm and watched him crawl over to where he was sitting.

Laurens pressed himself against Lafayette's torso. He placed a soft kiss on the Frenchmen's collarbone. "You can help me forget him, you know."

Lafayette blinked slowly. "I am afraid not, Laurens..."

"Why?"

"Because you are too drunk and too heartbroken."

John looked up at him beseechingly. "Please..." His fingers curled in the collar of the other man's robe and nuzzled at his neck. "You smell so good... and your so tall, not like stupid Alex... and..." Laurens' eyes closed for a moment and he seemed to drift off. "...sooo handsome." 

Lafayette smiled a little and untangled John's fingers, kissing them tenderly. "Get some sleep... I will see you in the morning."

John let his hands fall back into his lap dejectedly. "Right. Of course. You don't want me either."

Lafayette wasted no time in gently taking Laurens' face in his hands and making him look in his deep brown eyes. "Oh mon amour... if you only knew." 

The intensity in the other man's gaze almost sobered John up. "Knew what?" he whispered feebly. Lafayette pulled him close to him and caught his mouth in a deep, searing kiss. His lips moved slow but insistently on his own and his tongue slid inside John's mouth as Laurens moaned softly against him. The kiss seemed to engulf him, surround him. Is this what people meant when they described a soul kiss? He always got butterflies when he was physical with Alexander but this was deeper. Every cell felt ignited from his ears to the tips of his toes. When Lafayette finally pulled away, Laurens' whole body ached for his touch again. He looked at him, wide-eyed and breathless.

"Not tonight doesn't mean not ever." He kissed him again, softer and more delicately this time. John nodded and sank back down on the pillows. Lafayette took off his robe and laid beside him. He didn't protest when Laurens rested his head on his chest and draped his arm around Lafayette's waist. Laf once again threaded his fingers through the other man's ebony tresses until he heard him snoring softly.

"Good night, my Laurens." He said softly and blew out the candle on the nightstand.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amidst a fierce battle, Lafayette grows increasingly worried about Laurens. He has an unusual solution to get John to open up.

Lafayette directed his men to charge forward. The sound of shouting and hoofbeats pounding on damp earth filled the air.  There was a metallic whoosh as he unsheathed his sword and rode toward the enemy. The thunder of canons rumbled all around him.

He saw a familiar face on the front lines surrounded by a gang of redcoats. He had managed to relieve them of their muskets and was now besting three of them with only his sword and a ferocious tenacity.

“Laurens.” Lafayette whispered and rode fast to him, slashing at the loyalists and British who dared get in his way.

“Laurens!” He quickly dispatched one of his friend’s assailants while John cut down another. The third quickly turned and ran, disappearing over the grassy hill.

“Ha!” Laurens taunted him. “Run all the way back to England you fucking coward!”

Lafayette dismounted and clapped his hand on John’s shoulder. Laurens turned around with a smug grin on his face. “I could have handled them by myself, you know.”

“What the hell were you doing- running into them like that?”

“Just singlehandedly winning the war, I suppose.” He gestured to the scores of men on the opposing side who were now retreating.

“Oh, I apologize.  I didn’t realize my men and I were no longer needed. I’m sure they’ll be grateful to know they can go home to their families now that you don’t need our assistance.”

“I don’t need anyone’s help.” John agreed, placing his sword back in his scabbard. “I don’t _want_ anyone’s help.” He looked up at his friend and Lafayette could see the steely coldness that had been there for a while now. He longed for the tender, warm gaze of days gone by.

“John, your fearlessness was always one of my favorite things about you. The way you always led your men from the front, never hesitated to get down in the muck with any other soldier or how you challenged anyone you thought was wavering from the cause.” Laurens started walking away from him, uninterested in hearing Lafayette finish. “John! You are one of the most courageous men I know but your bravery has turned into recklessness!  Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Laurens paused and turned back to his friend. “Don’t be overly dramatic, Laf. I’m just doing what needs to be done.”

“You don’t have to throw yourself into enemy territory during every little skirmish. What we need is our best men alive.”

“This is how I choose to fight. It really is none of your concern.”

“You are my friend! Of course I’m concerned!”

John stepped close to his face. “Well stop it.” His eyes were fiery. “I don’t need it.”

“John, I- “

“What?” Laurens shot back at him. “What are you going to do? Write another letter to my father regarding my behavior?”

“Pardon moi?”

“You sent him a letter after the Battle at Brandywine. Telling him I was acting like a reckless fool.”

“Well, I believe my exact words were ‘It was not his fault that he was not killed or wounded, he did everything that was necessary to procure one or the other.”

Laurens frowned. “I didn’t teach you English so you could tattle on me.”

“I don’t see why it upsets you so much. It obviously didn’t have much affect on you.  The very next time you were in front of the enemy you charged forth so furiously your own horse was shot out from under you.”

“I instill courage in my men with my valor.”

“Oh, is that what you’re doing?”

John stepped even closer, seething. “I am fighting for the freedom of MY people and MY country.”

Lafayette knew what he was hinting at but was not in the mood to argue. Instead, he tried a different tactic. “John, listen. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

“You’d be fine.” Laurens started to walk away again. “Everyone will be just fine.”

Lafayette cuffed his hand around John’s upper arm. “No. I would not be fine. I would be utterly heartbroken. But,” he released his grip. “I am not going to fight with you in front of OUR men. If you wish to further converse with me, I will be in my tent.”

He walked in silence, but he could hear Laurens stomping behind him. John could barely wait until they were inside before throwing his hat on the table and standing with his arms folded.

“You know, John, there used to be a time when I found your company very pleasant.” Lafayette walked across the room and poured two glasses of dark red wine.

“No one is forcing you to be in my company at all.”

Lafayette drank the entire contents of his glass and set the other one on the table near his friend. He sauntered up to him and without saying a word, shoved his hands hard into John’s chest.

John looked up at him confused. “Did you just push me?”

Lafayette pushed him harder. “Oui, mon ami.” He shoved again, so forcefully this time that John staggered back. “Are you gonna just take it or are you gonna push me back?”

“What?”

“Go ahead.” He pushed him hard again. “All that anger and frustration. Let it out. I’d rather you fight me here than lose your head on the battlefield.”

Laurens stepped up to him and narrowed his eyes. “I told you I was fine.”

“Fine? You are like a ship full of gunpowder ready to ignite at any second.” He tipped John’s head up with one long finger under his chin. “Let me be the match.” With this, he shoved Laurens so hard John would have fallen had he not caught himself on the table. He surged forward and pushed back at Lafayette. Laf’s broad chest easily withstood the blow and he smirked. Angry at his ineffectual shove, Laurens raised his fist, landing a solid punch across Lafayette’s mouth. Laf took a step back then grabbed the lapels of John’s coat thrusting him up against a wall. Laurens let out a feral grunt and kicked him in the stomach, causing Laf to let him go and fall to his knees. The Frenchman licked at the blood on his lip and John charged at him. The two of them dissolved into a flurry of hands pushing and punching and tugging until they were both on the floor. John was scrappy but his opponent was fast and after a few minutes, Lafayette was on top of Laurens, holding onto his wrists to prevent another assault of his fists.

John looked up at him with all of hell’s fury in his eyes and Lafayette slowly released his grip. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Laurens, we have been friends for a very long time. You can tell me anything.” John said nothing so Laf continued. “Is this still about Alex getting married?” John’s response was to try to get to his feet. Lafayette easily kept him pinned down. “John, you yourself have a wife. How is this so different?”

Laurens turned his head to the side and bit the insides of his cheek. Laf slowly stood up and offered his hand to John. Laurens scrambled to his feet on his own and grabbed the other goblet of claret. He took a long swig. “I was FORCED to make an honest woman out of someone I barely knew.  I wasn’t skipping around like a damned schoolboy telling everyone who will listen about how much better my life is now that I’m marrying Eliza.”

Lafayette poured them both more wine. “John...” Lafayette’s voice was calm. “What did you honestly think would happen? How long did you think it would last?  We all have to have families eventually.”

“I know that. It’s just…” He took a long sip. “The things he would say to me. The letters he wrote. I thought…”

“What?  That he loved you? I’m sure he did, my darling Laurens.  I have a hunch he still does. But he also loves Eliza. Much like I have a great affection for Alex and I also love my Adrienne. And you.”

John looked up at him, ignoring the last part. “Yes, yes, I _know_.  And I was happy for him. I thought him getting married would cure both of our feelings. He was maturing, moving on. He could go off and be happy with her and I would be at peace knowing he was well taken care of. And I would, in time, learn to be happy without him. But it didn’t cure anything. The affectionate letters from him didn’t stop. And now I…” He swallowed the rest of his wine. “Now I’m in the damnedest state.”

“Well that certainly is one way to describe it.” Lafayette smiled but instantly winced as the action caused the cut on his lip to sprout fresh blood.

“Oh no.” John’s expression immediately softened. “Your face.”

Laf smiled and touched his thumb to his fresh injury, looking at the blood on his finger. “It is nothing, I will wear the mark of the mighty John Laurens with pride.”

John snorted a laugh. “Yeah… so mighty.”

Laf affectionately placed his hand on John’s cheek. “Emotions are complicated, Laurens. They are not able to be turned on and off like a faucet, you know.” John shrugged and Lafayette peered down at him.

“What?” John wasn’t sure he liked the smirk on Lafayette’s face. He had a slight spark of deviousness in his eyes that Laurens was all too familiar with.

“You know what you need? A distraction.”

“Please no… I do not want another night in some tavern drinking until I find myself in an alley with some unsavory woman.”

The gleam in his eyes grew. “That is not what I had in mind.”

John arched an eyebrow and Lafayette turned, pouring the rest of the wine into the glasses and extinguished all but two of the candles in the small tent. He walked back over to John and handed him his cup. He shook off his jacket and started unbuttoning his waistcoat.

Laurens watched him and drained the crimson liquid from his goblet. “What are you doing?”

Laf unbuckled his belt and let his sword fall to the floor then loosened the ties of his shirt. “I am going to make you forget about Alexander for one goddamn night.” He gripped the collar of John’s shirt and pulled him roughly to him, kissing him fiercely. Laurens responded with a fire of his own, dropping the chalice on the floor and quickly wrapping his arms around the Lafayette’s neck.

They shed the rest of their clothing as they made their way to the bed, sinking onto the mattress. John laid on top, allowing Lafayette’s hands to roam down his back and squeeze his supple backside. John hissed in his breath and wrapped his fingers around Lafayette’s erection.

They teased each other, tongues tasting exposed flesh of shoulders, chest, and neck before lust forced them to seek each other’s mouths again. Lips crashed together with moans and desperate cries. When Laf felt he could no longer take the pent-up desire he reached for a small bottle of oil he kept next to his bed. It was typically for the nights he pleasured himself, fending off the boredom of another night alone, but tonight he eagerly drizzled it onto John’s pulsing prick, making him slick and harder and aching for more attention. He swiped his thumb over the tip, already dripping with arousal and pumped him with his fist.

Laurens arched his back into the feeling and let out a guttural moan. His lips kissed up Lafayette’s throat and nipped at the scruff on his chin. His hips sped up and he could feel the fingers on Laf’s other hand digging into his upper thigh.

Lafayette shifted on the bed and took John’s swollen cock and guided it to his entrance. Laurens’ eyes widened slightly. “Laf…I’ve never done that… with a man…”

Laf seemed unbothered. “We could switch if it would make you more comfortable.”

“Switch?”

Laf shrugged then smiled. “It is whatever you want, mon amour.”

John bit his lower lip and stared down at Lafayette. His eyelids fluttered closed and he pushed inside, instantly seized with intense pleasure.  “Oh… Fuck.”

Lafayette was glad the darkness of the room meant Laurens probably couldn’t see the look on his face. He clenched tight as John slid in and out, forehead glistening with sweat. One of John's hands was fisted in Laf’s hair and he yanked on it forcefully when his lover rolled his hips underneath him, coaxing him deeper. His hands were resting on John’s waist as he looked up at him. Laurens’ face was partly obscured by shadows, but he could his eyes were closed, his mouth slack, and his curls, usually secured tightly with a ribbon had become free of their bondage and were cascading around his face. His own erection twitched with need and he guided John’s free hand to it.

Laurens curled his fingers tight around him and Lafayette clenched his teeth tightly to keep from crying out. John continued to fuck him, thrusting faster now, and his hand kept the same pace bringing his lover to the brink. There was a desperate whimper of his name followed by a string of French expletives and straining to take John deeper inside.

John let out a loud, low growl that was instantly shushed. “Hush my Laurens!” Lafayette chuckled. “You will wake up the whole camp.”

John pressed his forehead against his. “Don’t. Care.” He breathed out.

A final, strangled cry that sounded half of pain, half of ecstasy could not be silenced and Laurens collapsed on top of him with a violent shudder. Lafayette pulled the small blanket over both of them as John rolled onto his back and slung his arm over his head. Lafayette turned onto his side and stole a last glance at him. Laurens was staring at the ceiling, chest still rising and falling as his breathing returned to normal.

He gazed at him as sleep started to overtake him and saw the limpid, satiated look in John’s eyes was starting to be replaced by the haunted quality that Laf had seen earlier in the day. He ached for his friend to find peace. For once he had not the perfect words and decided to let his tired eyes close. He hoped John could at least find solace in a quiet night, the warmth of the friend who shared this bed and peaceful repose spurned on by copious wine and vigorous love making.

Laurens took longer to fall asleep, the familiar doubts and demons creeping into his head. He was finally lulled into slumber by the soft, rhythmic breathing of Lafayette beside him.

 

The Next Day        

 

John was awoken by a soft pair of lips pressing gently to his own. He opened his eyes and saw Lafayette smiling down at him, lightly combing his long fingers through John’s messy curls.

“Bon matin, mon Laurens.”

John grinned sleepily at him. “Bon matin, Lafayette.”

“We will, unfortunately, need to get up soon.”

“I’d really rather not.”

Lafayette chuckled softly and wrapped his arms back around him. “Ten more minutes.” Laurens didn’t protest and Laf indulgently pressed a kiss to his forehead before laying his head back on the pillow.

 

“Lafayette?” His eyes snapped open and he froze when he heard a voice calling from outside the tent.

“Hamilton?” Lafayette whispered the name under his breath like a curse.

Alexander burst through the entrance without waiting for an invitation inside. “Lafayette have you seen John?  He’s not in his tent and I-“ His eyes followed Lafayette’s gaze to the heap of rumpled sheets and blankets and the man curled up beside him. “John?”

“Alex?” Laurens’ voice was raspy with sleep as he tried to sit up.

Hamilton looked from one of his friends to the other, not taking long to surmise what had gone on. “Right.” He started to back out.

“Alex, wait!” Laurens quickly got out of bed and threw his clothes on. “I’ll join you for breakfast.” Lafayette watched stoically, a benign expression on his face.

As John finished pulling on his boots and hastily fixing his hair, Lafayette got up, not caring to get dressed. “Laurens,” He laid his hand on John’s shoulder.

“Laf, I- “ John looked up at him, not sure what to say.

“Shhh.” Lafayette cut him off. He lowered his voice and looked beseechingly into John’s green eyes. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself, mon ami.”

John nodded and gave him a small smile. “See you on the battlefield.”

Lafayette watched him go and let out a long sigh.


End file.
